What to Do?

When I was a teenager, my mother always laughed when she would ask me how a party was. I would very often respond "It was the best party ever". She laughed because I had said the same thing the previous week and because she knew that most probably I would say the same thing about the next one the following week. It used to drive me crazy if there were 2 parties I wanted to go to on the same night. To this date, she is constantly reminding me that I just cannot be in 2 places at the same time, regardless of how much I wished I could be. Instead of enjoying completely what I was doing at a particular time, I would stress about and wonder how the others were doing somewhere else.
Well, I guess that trait of mine has not changed. I have gotten to know a really fun couple of moms from Diego's school. They are all very involved in the school and seem to enjoy it very much. Now, partly because of them, I have been thinking about all the things I am potentially missing. If I was not working, I would have more time to participate in school stuff, to spend time with great people that could become good friends. I could travel more and stay longer in Guatemala so Diego and Isabel's Spanish could flourish. I would have more time to exercise and to keep my house looking perfect at all times (...mmm, well, three out of four is not bad).
So, I find myself daydreaming about how useful and practical it would be not to work, when suddenly, the opposite thought enters my mind. Maybe what I need is to be more ambitious with work and money and try opening my own business again. This time I would do better research of what could be a perfect fit for me and I would definitely make it successful.
So, I am creating my 3 year business plan in my mind, when yet another thought comes...
"Paola, are you and idiot or what?" "you have the best of both worlds". A great job that I like and because it is not full time, enough time for the children, etc. Besides, let us not forget that a steady income is no small thing. I surely enjoy the steady income. No doubt about that.
I want to work AND I want to be with the kids AND I want to have time for myself AND I want to do something that matters AND I want to help others AND have more money AND, AND, AND.

So what is going on?!?!
I am driving myself crazy with all this conflicting thoughts. Could it be that I am going through an early, early, early mid-life crisis? No way, I am way, way, way too young for that.
Patrick says that I just say I don't want to work, but that I am lying to myself because after two weeks, I would be going insane at home. He is probably right.
In the mean time, I will pray for some guidance. Maybe God wants me to build another ark (I know nothing about building, but I am getting good at grouting tile, so if God wants me to tile a bathroom, I am game). Maybe the winning lottery ticket will land in my lap and I will understand that I am supposed to sip rum and cokes in my new villa in the tropics. Maybe I should just open my eyes for a second and realize how lucky I am and start appreciating more and complaining less.

Who needs therapy when I can blog my way through my problems!?

Advice for my Very Good, Very Pregnant Friend

Oh, how I wish I could see you now. When you called me the other day complaining about not sleeping well. It all brought awful and wonderful memories back. Well, I guess that is just very fitting because that is exactly how being pregnant feels... awful and uncomfortable and magical and wonderful all at the same time.

Well, this is not going to be a list of what to do or when to do it once the baby comes. I am sure absolutely everyone you know and many people you don't know will give you unsolicited advice on the subject of the new little baby. I am sure at some point I will too and for that I apologize beforehand.

I just want to warn you on how your life will change and how to survive all the madness...

Well, you should forget about all the political books you love for a while. "What to Expect the First year" and "How to train your Baby to Sleep through the Night" will be your favorite titles. Whoever said that there should be a course on parenting before one becomes a parent was right. Instead we are all simply trying to play catch up after the fact.

You have always been very fashion oriented and that should not change. Just be aware that baby vomit will be hard to get out from your designer clothes.

Selfishly speaking, I have personally found 2 great things about being a mother... one is that if you were always late to everything, now you have a good excuse. "I had to change the baby at the last minute", "he wouldn't wake up from his nap", etc. Half of the time it will be true, but it comes in handy for the other half.
The second great thing is that you can blame your child (when they are a little older) for the house being a mess or for the ice cream being gone or (my personal favorite) "the kids are dying to go to that Japanese restaurant".

At any rate, the most important thing is to have a sense of humor about whatever comes. It will be up to you if all the little "challenges" are tragedies or comedies. I suggest the latter.

So, please remember that your baby is already loved by many people and that, maybe, some times we will all ask how you or your husband are doing (but don't expect it often ;)) Enjoy your last month of having a good excuse for eating ice cream at 3 a.m., rest as much as you can and hold on tight. It will be the most amazing ride!

All my love,

Paola

What I know about marriage, after 12 years!

The one thing I know about marriage and actually, it very well may be, the only thing I know about it, is that love matters.

You can have real high highs and pretty low lows in your relationship. There have been instances when I have wanted to throw plates into my better half's face. We argue a lot! What makes me the angriest is that if you would ask him, he would tell you that we almost never fight. That is so frustrating to have a fight with someone that is not even aware that World War 3 is brewing in his very own living room and that he was the one who started it. I do not understand why he does not realize that our life would be smooth sailing if he accepted that I am always right. It shouldn't be that difficult since it is true. Isn't it? ;)

In any case, we are no better and no worse than any other couple. The culture difference might make things a little more interesting, but at the end of the day the reason why we keep going strong is because if there is something not lacking in our relationship, it is love. I love that man so much and he has confessed that against his better judgement, he loves me too.

So, even if he is stubborn like a mule, moody and inflexible, he is a keeper. I hope he feels the same way about me even though I am mmm, wait a minute... ehhh, (I am trying to think of some of my flaws and nothing comes to mind). LOL

Now, for real (like my daughter would say), I married Patrick 12 years ago and I thank God for each one of them and pray that he will grant me many other dozens of years by his side. Happy Anniversary Schatz! Te amo!

Patrick Berny Vs. The City of Fremont

If you know Patrick, you know that he is a very easy going, good hearted man. If you really know Patrick, I mean, if you really, really know him, you know that he is quite complex, stubborn like hell and he can easily get obsessed with little things.
Our soon to be shower is a good example...
The inspector came to see the progress and stated that the controls to the shower had to go on the other wall because a person may get scolded if he or she were to turn the water on while standing right in front of the shower.
Scott (our contractor whom we are thinking of adopting since he basically lives in our house anyway) understood and agreed. I, understood his point and agreed as well. Patrick.... oh no, all hell was about to break loose!
There is no way he was going to accept it. The shower we got has a thermostatic valve to prevent exactly that. "If the inspector had any brains, he would know that".
I know my husband well enough to know when a battle is brewing and I was absolutely going to stay away from this one. Patrick started getting very angry while doing all kinds of research online. He accumulated pages and pages of articles and technical drawings showing that our original plans for the shower were perfectly safe and that the inspector was the one that was wrong. Not us! Not him!
I simply told him to please, please be calm when talking to the City. I did not want the whole project shut down because the City of Fremont decided we were undesirables anyway. I asked Patrick if he was going to be O.K. if the City refused to see things his way. He looked at me and shouted "I will take this case all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court if need be!!!".
I know he meant it, so I tried my best to keep a straight face. (It was not easy).
I am happy to report that we found a solution to make both the inspector and Patrick happy. Scott came up with an ingenious idea for the layout. It is too complicated to explain, you will all have to come to our house and check it out for yourselves anytime after 2011 when we approximate that the the project will be finished. (insert an angry, sarcastic smiley).

Miley Cirus, Jonas Brothers... this is a great time to be a mother!

I have always loved Teen Idols. The cheesiest the music, as long as it is accompanied by a great choregoraphy, the better! When I was a teen, I adored the Latin teen idols (Menudo, Los Chicos- I don't think I missed one of their concerts). New Kids on The Block were gods to me. I would practice their moves for hours.
When the Backstreet Boys were going to come to the Bay Area (1998 or 1999), my nephews wanted to go see them while they were here on vacation and I,quite obviously, volunteered to go with them. I actually got early on the Saturday the tickets went on sale. I waited patiently in line and got the best tickets I could afford.
We were all so bummed when the concert was cancelled because one of them had nothing better to do than to have an overdose and head to rehab. How rude! I never got the chance to go to one of their concerts.
Ahhh, but when God closes a door, he opens a window. I am not a teen any more (by just a couple of years ;), my nephews and nieces are too old to need a chaperon for such occasions, BUT I found the perfect little victims for my evil plan... my children.
Radio Disney is a preset station in my car and we listen to it (when I am not listening to POTUS 08) all the time. High School Musical I & II, The Jonas Brothers, Hanna Montana aka Miley Cirus, we love them all. Patrick thinks I am crazy, other people think I am just such a good mother that sacrifices for her kids. The truth is that I enjoy it with them and we have a blast!
Tonight is the "World Premiere" of Camp Rock on the Disney Channel and I am sure we will be all over this one too.

My Mother's Day Present and My Father's Day Revenge

To fully understand this story, I need to start by telling you that for my birthday 2 years ago, Patrick gave me wireless bluetooth headphones. I thought the idea was kind of neat. I tried them and to be totally honest, did not like them. If and when I want to use headphones, I don't want to worry about whether or not they are charged. Besides, they were big and did not stay nicely on my ears. Patrick was just too happy to take them from me and that was that. I never saw them or spoke about them again.
...Fast forward to Mother's Day 2008. Patrick hands me a box and I get all happy about what could be in there. Maybe the I-phone I so desperately desire or perhaps tickets for a cruise around the Greek islands... No, that would not come in a box.
Well. I proceed to open the box and what do I find... bluetooth wireless headphones. I was perplexed. I did not understand... "Schatz (that is my pet name for Patrick), I don't know if you remember this or not, but this is exactly what you gave me 2 years ago for my birthday".
Patrick: "Oh yes, I know, but I lost them, so I wanted to replace them".
It is truly not often that I am speechless, but this was one of those occasions. He remembered that once, months ago, I was watching Meet the Press on a Sunday morning at 8:00 a.m. and he told me to lower the volume. I did and added that I needed headphones for the TV so I would not wake him up on Sundays.
I laughed about the situation and decided right then and there not to get mad... but to get even.

I thought long and hard about what would be the perfect Father's Day gift for my thoughtful, sweet husband (yeah, right!).
Susan suggested pearl earrings. I could say that they are cuff links. Of course, when he is not wearing them, well I could use them as...mmm...earrings? That would have been way too obvious.
I believe I found the most adequate gift for the occasion! I gave him an evening out. I got a babysitter and made reservations to a wonderful upscale restaurant in San Francisco, followed with tickets to Hairspray, The Musical.
I, of course, was going to love it. Patrick? Well, he was welcome to like it, but if he didn't... oh well, that would be just so sad. ;)
We went and during the intermission I asked him if I had done a good job planning my revenge and he told me that I hadn't because he was enjoying himself and that our "date" had been a great idea. I guess Patrick might not be too thoughtful, but he is smart!

Diego's first communion was truly special!

May was full of excitement for our family... Right after Isabel's birthday, we had to prepare for Diego's First Communion. Diego had actually been preparing for two years. He attended "first communion preparation classes" every Saturday morning. I thought it was overkill at first, but I am very glad he did it. Other than praying in bed at night, we had not spent much time at all educating him in the subject of religion. He knew about God, Mary and Jesus, but not in any detail and not much else. I got the wake up call when he was 5 years old and I guess they were talking about different religions in his class. We were in the car when he was telling me about his day and told me that he had a friend who was Budhist and I almost crashed the car when he asked me what religion we had. What???!!! Don't you know???!!!!
I realized that for me, it was so very obvious that we were Catholic, that I just expected Diego to know it instinctively. I told Patrick that night and we knew that some things had to change.
My religious beliefs are a huge part of who I am and we gave so much emphasis to teaching him his ABCs, making sure his Spanish and German were up to par, teaching him about sharing and limits, etc., that we forgot about religion. Shame on us, I know!
I totally went off subject... we were talking about his First Communion... We are now a family that speaks about God and how grateful we are on a regular basis. We go to mass on Sundays and it is precious to see how Diego gets it and all this will be part of who he is as well.
So, he was very ready for his big day and it turned out to be a wonderful day! My parents and my oldest sister came just for this occasion. The mass was very nice, and then the "reception" was held at a local restaurant where we, joined by good friends, had brunch.
We gave a "goodie bag" to each family present which consisted of a loaf of bread, a bottle of wine and a note that reads:

"Now that Diego has had his first Holy Communion, we pray to God to please remain with him now and always.
We pray that Diego will strengthen his faith through the years and that he will always know in his heart that whatever life may bring his way, God loves him and will be by his side.
We ask God to watch over our dear son and to lead him always on the right path.
We give thanks for all our many blessings and we thank you for sharing this very important and special occasion with us!"
Patrick and Paola